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Against The Advice: My Decision to Opt for a VBAC-2


hospital birth


There are two very clear camps of women when touching on this topic - the ones that think it's nuts to VBAC, and the ones who couldn't agree more and want it desperately, with very little gray area in between. As expected, your prior birth experiences and what you've been personally exposed to on the subject matter tends to dictate your comfort level with making these types of decisions for yourself. I (unfortunately) am one of those people who had a very traumatic first labor and delivery, on top of a challenging couple of pregnancies so far, so my position (though not entirely unique) is rooted in that history. Here's my thought process for why I'm going against the medical advice, and holding out hope to have a successful vaginal birth after two consecutive cesarean sections in two years.


My prior birth experiences were pretty awful.


The first time around, I was induced at 41 weeks. I didn't know much about anything, and genuinely trusted that the medical professionals at the hospital would have my best interest in mind. Spoiler alert: they did not. Instead, I was met with primarily a lot of nurses trying to wrap things up as quickly and easily as possible during shift changes, extremely long stretches without a doctor checking in on me, an endless cocktail of drugs I did not want nor need, non-communicative residents outright disregarding my wishes during the entire process, and what appears to me now as my body totally stressing and shutting down as a result of it all. Not only did I end up in the hospital for a week, but I have little to no memory of the birth of my first daughter, and a recovery that was long and painful. I did not know I needed to advocate for myself, and feel that I was effectively a medical prisoner while I was there. I was put on extreme doses of Pitocin for 4 days straight (without anyone communicating that this was an option, not requirement, and without informing me of the cons of using this form of induction), had my water manually broken, was not given anything but ice chips after the first night, an epidural rendering me bedridden for days, multiple bags of morphine to counteract the excruciatingly painful induced contractions (rather than just turning them down or trying something else), exhausting constant fetal monitoring, 4 hours of pushing... all to end up in a c-section with a spinal tap that wouldn't take until partial success in the eleventh hour. (Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to be on an operating table, partially paralyzed, but able to move your legs while someone is actively slicing your abdomen open and the anesthesiologist has the fear of God in his eyes because he's not quite sure it "worked right?" Not a good vibe!!) I wasn't even one of those people who was hard-opposed a c-section in the first place, which makes it all the more frustrating. I can't believe anyone there allowed me to endure all this and no one said a word. Looking back, it was pretty obvious where things were headed. I have lost total faith in the medical system after this and the simultaneous botched response to COVID that made the hospital setting an absolute hellscape to be in back in 2021. That's basically the "SparkNotes" version of the story, to give you an idea. I feel that I suffered needlessly, the way my labor was handled by the hospital was borderline malpractice, the mental and physical anguish extended well beyond my delivery, my body couldn't produce any milk to feed my child, and I think the postpartum depression I experienced was totally and completely related to what happened, and could've been avoided.


For my second pregnancy, my doctor suggested a scheduled c-section since the births were so close (just 14 months apart), and knowing how traumatized I was from the first one, assumed it was best for me to not end up with the same possible trajectory again. I obliged without question, and the delivery was pretty textbook at the end of 2022. C-sections suck, and we were at least able to remove a bunch of scar tissue from the first time and try staples instead of stitches this go around, which my body previously reacted badly to resulting in chronic pain, pelvic discomfort, tugging, lack of mobility, skin flare-ups and keloid scarring, and a year of painful manual physical therapy. But at least I knew a little more about what to expect in terms of the recovery, and without the week-long hospital stay and extensive drugs pumped into me. The maternity ward experience was underwhelming to say the least, as it seemed the hospital was understaffed, and it showed. (However, they weren't understaffed when it came to calling me less than 2 hours out of surgery asking where to send the $50,000 bill!) I also couldn't produce any milk for the second time, which was disheartening, to say the least.


But coming home after cesarean to an active toddler and not being able to contribute, pick her (or anything but my new baby up), go to the bathroom on my own, and barely have the ability to get in and out of bed for days was rough. Anyone else who has gone through it will tell you. I don't understand why anyone thinks a c-section birth is the "easy way out," because in my experience, there was nothing "easy" about it. I know natural births can be problematic, dangerous, and traumatizing as well... but I know they can also be smooth, manageable and with quicker recovery times also. I'm willing to roll the bones on trying that option.

I actually decided on a home birth, but couldn't find a midwife to serve my area.

You can file this one under "crazy things newly-crunchy Christine says," and that's fine. But when I tell you I have hated the hospital experiences enough to never want to go back, know how serious I am. I spent months thoroughly researching home births, talking to different people, understanding the pros and cons, and ultimately realizing that after 2 c-sections, I wasn't even qualified to go to a nearby birthing center or even be accepted as a patient by certain trained professionals to go the VBAC route anymore. I had no idea that option was taken from me due to my prior birth experiences. You'd think anyone would've let you know, "Hey, just a heads up, if you do another c-section, here's some of the cons that would come along with that decision if you end up wanting more kids." Nope. No one told me shit, and I guess this is just one of those things where you need to know enough to ask. But I thought that's what you pay doctors for? To help educate and guide you in a field where you do not personally have experience? Isn't that how it works for anything else? And I don't fault my particular doctor or the practice I go to for this - I have beef with the medical community at large, especially in the NYC Metropolitan Area. I think they like to use fear-mongering and allow women to feel powerless in their bodies in order to do more cesareans, resulting in faster births, more in the schedule, and additional money for the hospital. Women have given birth naturally for thousands of years before it became a "big business" or any hospitals were even used at all. This is my personal opinion on the matter. I also know doctors prefer the c-section route because, as it was told to me by an OB off-the-record, they feel they have more "control" if they perform the surgery as opposed to letting women labor naturally, and less risk of being sued. Ummm... WHAT?! How's this.... IDGAF what your "preference" is. I thought it was "my body, my choice?" Weird how that goes out the window when it's convenient. What I've learned? If you don't advocate (hard) for yourself and your body, no one will.


This time around, I refused to be pushed around by anyone, regardless of how many credentials sit after their name. I was distraught to learn not a single midwife was willing to serve my area in Stamford, CT (45 mins from Time Square... not exactly the middle of nowhere). Every single one was hours away. To this day, I do not know why this is. I have to assume the majority of people interested in a non-hospital birth must be concentrated outside of the metropolitan areas, or these municipalities just make it too hard for them to do their jobs with all the regulations. (Side note: I did come across a few "midwives" more local, though they did not do home births, and basically were part of the same exact hospitalized medical system anyway - ultimately defaulting to the same types of environments, policies, and procedures I was trying to avoid in the first place. Basically a pointless added risk IMO - I'd just keep my OB in this case... which is what I ended up doing.)


With time not on my side in my first trimester of my third pregnancy in a row, I ended up back at my OB's office. I politely and sternly shared my wishes for a home birth, and was told by every single doctor that I'd effectively lost my marbles. (And ironically, the female doctor was the least supportive of my wishes!) They all said it wasn't worth the risk, that they'd never allow their own daughter to do it, and most basically suggested I'd bleed out at home and die if I don't do a hospital birth. To keep it 100, I started crying uncontrollably and explained everything that had happened to me prior to get me to this decision, and even the most funny and sarcastic of doctors in the practice were horrified and finally understood. We came up with a plan together to try and bridge the gap between going for a VBAC-2 within the safety of the hospital setting, with minimal intervention.


 

And now we wait.

 

I'm currently 37 weeks along, with two toddlers at home (one almost 3, and the other 18-months). I feel weird that it's like my first time, but not? I don't know what it's like to have my water break on its own. I don't know how it feels to have real contractions. I worry I will leave the house too late or too soon. I'm afraid of being a medical prisoner again. I fear I'll lose my shit on the first nurse that looks at me sideways when I tell them "no" to something being presented as "not optional" when I now know better. And of course, I worry this could end up similar to my first experience. The female doctor at my OB practice literally told me, "not every woman's body is designed to give birth," and that infuriated me to my core. Sure, there are extenuating circumstances which may make natural birth not possible or safe for all involved, and I get that. I am not unreasonable with it comes to those types of circumstances, for myself or others. However, my body is designed exactly the way it's supposed to be. I have worked hard through years of pelvic floor physical therapy to rehab and prepare my body for its most important job. I have made myself as healthy as possible this entire year. No one will tell me what I can and can't do, especially not a moment before it's go time. I deserve the chance to have the birth experience I desire, and now I won't let anybody take that from me.


I understand the risks on both ends, and my husband and I are on the same page. The hospital bag is packed. The childcare is lined up. And I am ready to give it my best shot, and have faith that what's supposed to happen will. Whether it goes the way I've planned or not, I take pride in the fact that I refuse to be a victim of my past birth trauma, and will not allow the medical system to steamroll my desire to experience a natural birth without intervention. Birth is the most personal thing a woman can go through, and every woman deserves to heard, supported, and cared for without exception.





(P.S. - If you want to follow my journey to delivery, I am active daily on IG @XtineElise, where you know I'll keep it real with everything that's happening, and be first to know when all the action begins! XO)


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I'm Christine Elise!

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I'm an entrepreneur, vocalist, and content creator living the sweet life with my husband and 3 daughters in Tampa, FL. I love sharing all things lifestyle, family, business, and balancing a healthy + happy home.

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