I Chose to Have 3 Kids Under 3. Would I Do It All Over Again?

In a word, yes. But, I would do a lot of things differently knowing what I know now. I also didn't have a single person in my life at that point that had family planned the same way, so I was truly figuring it all out on my own. There are a lot of things that are harder early on raising multiple infants/toddlers at the same time, and without being a trust fund baby or having reliable and consistent childcare help. Here is my two cents on it all:

More people are having kids back-to-back now.

My guess is that my "girl boss" generation got the tsunami of a reality check all at once when we hit 30 and realized we were quickly running out of time left to "have it all" like we were promised we could. So the good news with this, is that you're not alone! So many people are wanting to have kids earlier, more quickly, and in higher multiples than I've seen before. There is growing support and community than I've observed previously, even when I was pregnant with my firstborn a few years ago.

Your body will be broken.

In my personal experience, I never got back to my "pre-baby condition" (all around) between kids. There's just no time. My expectations were too high and it made it a lot harder for me thinking something was "wrong with me," so I probably suffered a great deal more than I needed to. Instead, I wish I knew this was just the road I chose, and to simply be as healthy as possible, do my best to take care of myself, and know that the future will allow for more healing after the childbearing years are in the rearview.

But also, caring for a newborn and toddler(s) at the same time is as exhausting and chaotic as you think it would be - I am not going to lie to you. Breaks are needed. Support is required. The days can feel really long. Sometimes it's a struggle to get dressed, let alone get out of the house. But good planning, sound routines, and a contributing spouse will help make it possible to survive, and dare I say thrive. But know this is the reality for a bit, and it's just part of the bigger picture of what you're trying to create for your future family. (Especially during a time that won't always be this challenging.)

Plan for bigger things - houses, cars, grocery bills, and beyond.

I did a good job in this department, but I know it's been a struggle for many friends of mine. You can only stretch these things so long until the strain ripples throughout the entire family. It's best to plan as much as possible financially, cut back in advance, and make tweaks in different areas of your life so you are prepared for the changes ahead. Do not wait until they're knocking on your door.

Things are going to take (much) longer to do.

Getting in the car? Give yourself 15 full minutes, double if you're doing it alone. Going to an appointment? You will need a full diaper bag, 3x the snacks you think you'll need, multiple cups and bottles, toys, sanitizer, extra sets of clothes, and the patience of a saint. Want to grab a cup of coffee? Just... don't. :-) Haha, but seriously... everything may not be worth it the same way once you've got 3 kids under 3. It's a lot of needs, a lot of personalities, a lot of packing, a lot of planning, and it's just hard. But it doesn't mean you can't do things anymore, you just need to re-strategize. For example, I started taking my kids exclusively to cafes and eateries with lots of open, outdoor space for them to explore. That way, they can be kids, I can take a breath, and I know our presence won't be a nuisance to anyone else either. I started making my doctor appointments during nap windows and coordinating it so that my husband or a family member could be home to watch the monitors while I scooted out, could focus on why I was there, and make it back quickly and efficiently. And for most everything else that I could, I had service providers start coming to me. Some examples are:

• grocery deliveries

• mobile concierge medical doctor

• in-home spa/self-care services

• mobile oil change & car wash/detailing

• business meetings

• furniture deliveries

• dry cleaning pickup & delivery

• mobile pet services

• in-home fitness training

Yes, some of these things can be a little more expensive if they're coming to you, but if you can swing it, what is the cost for your time and sanity combined? For me, it's a lot - so I do try to find resources in this format as often as possible. Then I can fill my time leaving the house doing things I actually enjoy and are really worth it for us all.

You will (slowly) start to earn some time and money back.

As the kids get older, they will begin to play together and not need you for every little thing. With good sleep training, you can get them to all rest at the same times so you can get other things done. They will use and re-use each others clothes, toys, cutlery, baby gear, and more - and you might be surprised at the money savings because there is so much crossover. I have found that 3 kids is not actually 3x more expensive in many areas. Even when it comes to activities, there are usually substantial discounts for having multiple kids enrolled in anything, and because they are so close in age, they're often in the same classes - which means less commitments, driving, and running around than if they were more years apart in separate things. My kids also tend to make the same friends because they're closer in age, making playdates a breeze and a lot of fun to be had during get togethers (aka more adult time to enjoy with other parents, too!).

But most importantly, for all of the stress you'll go through having 3-under-3, know it really will be a blip in your life. It feels like it'll never end on the hardest days, but they do go by fast, and there will be a time you'll miss when they were this small and needed you. I often think about how there will likely come a day when all they want to do is be out with their friends, and I am wishing they were around to spend more time with me. Such is life!

So all that to say, it's all about choosing your hard. For me, I don't want the harsh reality of not having multiple children, special vacation memories, a full table at the holidays. That's not the hard I choose. So I choose the long nights and the early mornings, the stretch marks that just keep re-stretching before they can heal, and the messy kitchens and chaotic afternoons. I choose the simultaneous dirty diapers, and (very) wet bath times. And I choose all the crazy love that goes with it, too. Because this is what leads to a future I would regret not giving to myself - and why I would choose to do it all over again the exact same way.

So whether you're thinking about embarking on 3-under-3, or are on the journey right now, know that you can do it. It will be worth it. And for all the hardship, there's much more joy to go around that will last you a lifetime.