Was it always this way? Is this how our parents talked? I can't imagine my grandma speaking like this with her friends, commiserating at every opportunity about her life as a mother. I'm in my mid-thirties, which is pretty average for having a young family where I'm from. There's never a day where I think about complaining about the beautiful life, children, and family I have been so graciously blessed with. There's also never a day that I don't encounter someone in-person or on social media doing the exact opposite. Not only is it not appealing to the people around you (regardless of how much they may "LOL" in the comments or awkwardly to your face), but I can assure you, no one cares about your complaints. Self-deprecating mom humor is distasteful, played out, and honestly so wack. Here's why:
Everyone has problems.
And worse, your "problems" are someone else's dreams and deepest prayers waiting to be answered. Know your audience, or better yet, be self-aware enough to realize that you don't always know everything about the people you're speaking to - whether IRL or the hole of the internet. The reality is, you are always surrounded with people that have experienced tragic and painful things - infertility, loss, children riddled with illness or disabilities. These people would trade anything to have your so-called "problems." Stop complaining about your responsibility as a mother, and try some gratitude on for size. Everyone loves a little humor, especially me! There's nothing wrong with making jokes about the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and child-rearing. But the "poor me" vibe ain't it - stick to the real, funny stories about where the last blowout happened or the fact that you spent the entire wedding covered in puke because you packed a second set of clothes for everyone but yourself.
What does all the awkward complaining about motherhood do to the impressionable, possible future-moms around you? Scares the ever-living shit out of them! You make your life sound miserable. It's not cute. It's not fun. It's awkward AF. Because honestly, if you didn't want your life to change by becoming a parent, why did you do it then? And even if you didn't realize what you'd gotten yourself into, what sense is there whining about it now? It's too late. You're already here. Check your attitude before you make other people really think this is how every day is and scare them away from what could be one of the most important and special things in their life!
"Mommy Juice" culture is literally toxic.
Promoting binge-drinking as a way to "get through" motherhood? You. Are. A. Loser. I said what I said. Be an adult and enjoy a drink if you want to, or don't. But making it like if you don't forcefully guzzle this bottle of wine for fear that you won't be removed from your reality long enough to forget your real responsibilities in life is straight up wack ass behavior. Get a grip. And worse, if you don't actually feel this way, and are doing it purely for attention because you think it's cool? You're even more terrible.
Your kid isn't the problem, you are.
Listen, if your kids suck, you probably don't put enough time and effort into raising them to be decent humans. That's the cold, hard truth. There are no bad kids, there are only bad parents, as they say! Put in the work and make the changes required to teach your children how to be pleasant, and pleasant to be around. If you don't, don't act surprised when they act out and are unruly all day long, you can't hold it together as a result, and other people avoid any and all kid-friendly situations with you. The "feeling sorry for my mom self" flavor of IG posts and "have kids they said, it'll be fun they said" captions for perfectly normal situations that occur when having children (think: messy eating, chaotic playrooms, spit up, etc.), are just not a good look. Honestly, it makes other people looking in from the outside think you're negative, possibly unhinged, and desperate for attention. If you put half the effort into correcting the things that are so bothersome to you as you do complaining about them, maybe you'd be better off?
Let's be better, as millennial women.
Regardless of what influences you've had in your life, think about the message you're choosing to send today. What kind of life do you really have... want to have? How do you want to be perceived? Consider this: most women (and parents, in general), just want to share laughs, stories, and relate. That's it. Life can be hard enough as it is, there's no point in wallowing in the sorrows of the day-to-day, especially when it honestly just is what it is. No one said having kids was easy. But we all made a choice, and if that choice brought a healthy child into your life, woman up and do your damn job! Nothing is cooler than being a woman and mom that has it all together, works hard, and is happy. That is the biggest flex of all.