I want to start by saying that this isn't the "rule" or a guarantee by any means, but much more of an observation I've made. It is something I almost made the mistake of, and feel great sympathy about as I watch people I know falling into the same trap - or worse, already suffering from decisions that are hard (or impossible) to come back from. It's time that we talk about what happens when people refuse to take a step back in their careers, and lose the things that money can't buy in the process.
Becoming educated is great. Having a good job is great. Being ambitious in your career is great. Making lots of money is great. Having nice things is great. But you want to know what's not so great? Having accomplished all of those things and realizing that none of it matters once it's too late. Here's the hard truth: you can always make more money. But what you can't do is make more time. When men or women choose to sacrifice the most important things in life (spoiler alert: they aren't work or shiny things), they end up empty and lonely. This is my opinion, but it's not based on an idea. It's based on fact. It's based on experience. It's based on things I've seen, and people I've known. These people come in two camps: the ones that have lived long enough to admit to this, and seemingly, those who haven't realized or acknowledged it yet. Sometimes these people look like the rich, middle-aged guy on the yacht surrounded by bottles and models, and other times it looks like the girl boss who travels often, dresses well, and has an abundance of accolades to her name. Both, and everything in between, could be perceived from the outside as "living the dream." Maybe you know these people. Maybe you are these people. Maybe you haven't met them quite yet. Or maybe you're about to save yourself from becoming one of them.
Here's what you should know if you have enough time left, and are young enough to avoid the pitfalls IMO:
Your youth is best spent learning about life, people, and forming the foundation of who you are and what matters to you.
Your 20s are best spent finding a compatible life partner.
Your 30s are best spent raising children.
Your 40s are best spent earning, traveling, and enjoying your final season of child-rearing as much as possible.
Your 50s and beyond are best spent focused on your work (whatever that may be - in or out of the home), new experiences with your partner, a new phase of family enjoyment, and the things that "fill your cup."
The people I know that have done this, and tried to remain present in each part of their lives, are undoubtedly the happiest the longest when compared with those who did not. This is what I have personally done so far as well. I am now in my 30s and live the most fulfilling life with my husband and three children. But it almost didn't happen. In fact, it was dangerously close to not happening. I was far too focused for too long on running my business and shattering every glass ceiling in the process. It almost cost me everything I have now. My happiest moments ten years ago do not even hold a candle to how my life is today. I am eternally grateful for having found a partner that helped guide us both to a place where we don't have to have the regrets that many others we know do.
By the way, this is not a cry for you or anyone else to have children. I wholeheartedly do not believe everyone's individual journey requires, or calls upon them, to be a parent. Perhaps not a popular opinion, but I don't believe it is a rite of passage or even an accomplishment in and of itself. Hey, any ol' idiot can have a baby. It takes a special person to raise them well and be a good parent... but that's for another article. What this is all really about is understanding what happens when you become too distracted by empty life goals, and end up missing out on the parts of life that truly matter.
When it's time to die, you will not ever wish you spent more time at the office. But you will probably be thinking about all the people you've ever known and cared for, and how your time on this Earth was spent. No matter where you are currently in life, know it's never too late to improve upon your losses if you feel some of the doors may have closed - it just may be far harder to make amends.
Sometimes the losses are permanent, and this is just the harsh reality. So if you're someone that still has time to course correct, maybe you should. What could be more important? Take these personal "case studies" of mine for example. (Names changed to protect their identities and feelings, if I'm being honest.)
Elizabeth, mid-30s, lots of degrees and certifications, makes tons of money, a real catch - except she did all at the expense of the only good relationship she's ever had, that has now ended, all because she refused to take the next steps in committing to marriage and family. Everyone eventually will leave if not met where their true values lie. Elizabeth now only has a few years left to date, find someone knew, and rush marriage and kids before having a family the old fashioned way is taken away from her biologically for good. Then she will have a new set of challenges to be faced with. Elizabeth's life currently looks like this: work, some time with her aging parents, the gym, and occasional dinners with friends. Elizabeth would tell people she's happy, but when in deep conversation, admits she is not. Elizabeth can't turn back the hands of time and make different choices now. Elizabeth regrets it and is stressed for what is to come.
Rob, early-30s, super ambitious with a sweet job that was low stress, high pay, and in an industry he loved. He had a girlfriend whose job was relocating her, but he refused to sacrifice his in order to keep the relationship together. Years later, Rob no longer has that job. Rob is still single. Rob lives alone, and fills his days with things to distract from the fact that he's lonely with too much time on his hands now, and none but a few friends to spend it with. Rob became sick recently, and had no partner to look after him. Many years from now, if Rob gets sick again and nothing has changed, Rob will not have any family or children to help look out for him either in his old age. Rob avoids thinking about this at all costs. Rob is in denial that there is anything wrong with his choices in life. Rob pretends he is thriving. Rob is not, and everyone around Rob discusses this in private. It would crush Rob if he knew, so no one says anything to him and pretends to agree he is thriving too whenever they talk. Rob's ex-girlfriend now has a bustling career (the same in which she initially moved for), and balances that with a happy marriage to another man, and their two children. Rob can see how happy she is on social media. They haven't talked in many years, and he still cannot think or speak about her with anyone without becoming an emotional wreck. Rob will most likely die alone.
Catherine, early-40s, climbed the career ladder for many years, while partying and having casual relationships. The party stopped recently and she fell into a severe depression, while spending thousands of dollars freezing her eggs in a panic that she never, ever thought she'd be in. She'd never really thought about wanting more than a husband one day, and therefore never put too much time or effort into things in that direction. Catherine settled for a guy that she wasn't crazy about, in order for the chance to have a family. Catherine is happy she got the chance to live out her new dream, but it has been hard and expensive. She no longer wants to work at the job she sacrificed so much for. She has invested everything into where she is now, is financially strapped, and sad that she can't spend more time with her kids. Catherine will be 61 when her first child leaves the house at 18. She would be 65 at that child's college graduation. She may or may not be alive to walk her son down the aisle for his wedding day. She will likely never have the chance to meet her grandchildren, and they will probably not remember her even if she does. Catherine is struggling with this reality every day, and constantly warns others about her perceived missteps. Catherine wishes someone told her about this earlier on to have helped her avoid these pitfalls. She is trying to make the best of it now and is grateful for the "second chance."
Do you see the commonality in all of these people, with completely different lives? They end up with nothing but time (and sometimes) money, but nothing and no one meaningful to spend either with - unless they make a stark and challenging change quickly. It is imperative that you consider this, help yourself or someone you know not accidentally fall into an existence they won't be able to escape from. They say:
"Youth is wasted on the young, and wisdom is wasted on the old."
This couldn't be a more true statement. The smartest people don't require personal experience or struggle to understand a lesson and implement action to help avoid painful situations and ensure a high quality of life.
Personally, from where I am sitting today, I believe I have decades left to earn a fortune. But I know I only have a short amount of time where my kids will be little, and need me the most. I don't question for a second the sacrifices that I am making to do what's needed of me in order to add the most value to my family. My husband feels the same. I imagine that once my kids are young adults, my role in solely guiding them will take flight. My once overwhelmed mornings making meals and cleaning up a messy house will be replaced with quiet, calm, and wondering what I should do next. I will be able to explore more of my passions, spend more time on recreational exercise I enjoy (if blessed with the good health to do so), enjoy a new chapter with the man I've grown so much with, as we get to know each other in a new way all over again, and be able to spend countless hours earning more money. That money will be spent improving our lives and the lives of my children, and hopefully one day their children. I know I will never ever regret how I've spent my limited time here. When I die, I am confident that I did everything that mattered, with the people that mattered, for the things that mattered most. I hope I will have earned the privilege of spending my final days without fear or worry, knowing I'm taken care of and loved 'til my final breath by the people I have spent my life caring for and loving too.
Your boss will never do that. Your career journey will never do that. Your designer bags will never do that. Your fancy car will never do that. People will. Investing in people is investing in yourself. You can buy all the things, but you can't buy back the time. So how will you spend the rest of yours?